I have often thought, over the past four years, that I should write a blog. I've got things to say, funny moments to share, lessons I've learned. I read other blogs, and enjoy them, and have wished to "join the crowd." But, (and this is a little bit embarassing!), I didn't start one because I knew I already HAD started one, but I couldn't remember how to get to it!! My one, and only, post was written very late one night, and I couldn't remember later what I called it, or my password, or anything. So imagine my surprise, just a few moments ago, when I accidentally came across that old post! Haha, I'm back!!
I just spent a few minutes reading that first post, and laughing at myself. How little did I know that all I had been waiting for was right around the corner...and it would be more wonderful and more difficult than I had ever imagined!! I had no idea that my first beautiful, amazing, smart and often mischievous daughter was actually already a few weeks old, and that in less than two months, she would be in my arms. Or that by Christmas, we'd be joined by a second beautiful, amazing, smart, and often mischievous daughter, less than a month younger than the first. I was given the gift of motherhood, twice, in less than a year. And now this year we have added an adorable, amazing, sweet and silly baby boy to complete our family.
I didn't know how much my faith needed to grow, or that God would build our family by weaving all of our worry, pain, loss, panic, fear, doubt, anger, frustration, along with lots and lots of prayer, trust, more prayer, comfort, and hope, into this incredibly beautiful tapestry that is now such a testimony of who He is and how much He knows our needs and has a plan for our lives. I didn't know...but God did.
I've been a mommy for four years, and have, in the past year, gone from two children to five, to four, to three, to four, and back to three, which is where we're praying it will stay. We feel that our family is complete, although as foster parents having not yet been told if we can adopt our son (we've already adopted the girls!), we're aware that God may give us another opportunity to choose to trust that He knows better than we do, and build our faith through loss. Likewise, He could change our hearts and ask us to bring future children into our home. I am learning to live in the now, and trust that the future is in His hands.
Not all of my posts will be this serious...I expect to post many funny mommy moments, along with other subjects such as homeschooling, healthy cooking, money saving strategies, and so on. Regular moments in the life of a stay at home mommy. But I couldn't start without a look back at how far we've come in these four years. Reading my first post is like reading the journal of a young girl...and realizing that I've grown up. Well...at least in some areas. I still have a load of dishes in my sink.
